The 8 most useless sidekicks that we love to hate

| April 29, 2013
News By Apr. 29, 2013 10:30 am

Adoring Fan

There are a few things the entertainment media loves to hate: Supremely bad movies, aggressively offensive humor, and certain companies that never seem to do any right by anyone, yet still somehow continue to exist. Another thing we all love to hate are exceedingly useless sidekicks. From video games to comic books to movies, there’s usually someone annoying standing in the shadow of someone great.

The Adoring Fan

Back before Skyrim, there was Oblivion. The main side quests in the game were broken up into tasks you performed for a handful of factions in order to gain favor and move up the ranks. Rather than send you out into the world to complete quests like the Thieves Guild would, the Arena faction has you battle various enemies of increasing difficulty in a Roman-style coliseum. Aside from powerful equipment, one of the main prizes for rising to the top of the faction is your very own adoring fan (featured above).

The fan is an NPC with blindingly bright blonde hair that swirls up to a tip like soft-serve ice cream. He follows you around wherever you go… and is the worst. He’s too cowardly to help you fight, so rather than trying to preserve his life, you end up performing complex tricks with him as your guinea pig. Can you shoot an arrow directly up into the sky and have it land square on his head a minute later? Can you trick him into walking off a cliff? Can you steal the clothes he is currently wearing without him noticing?

Whatever trials you put him through,  he’ll respawn if he dies, so — barring a glitch — you have to break his little spirit and directly tell him to stop following you to get him off your back.

He’s like that younger kid that lived down the street when you were in middle school and always wanted to hang with the cool older kids, but no one had the heart to tell him to go home, so you just suffered through his unfortunately obnoxious mannerisms instead.



Perhaps the foremost pest in the video game world, Link’s fairy sidekick nagged her way to infamy. Like your mom, Navi means well, but we get it already. Stop. With her incessant orders to “listen” to what she has to say, Navi was a literal pest buzzing in our ears. Reminding us to do something we keep forgetting is one thing, but what made Navi intolerable was that she only ever informed us about something of which we were already aware. You could stuff stray fairies into sealed bottles for later consumption in Ocarina of Time, but we would set Hyrule’s entire fairy population free and sacrifice every single full heal if we could shove Navi into one of those bottles and seal the lid.

Next page: Ugh, Slippy the Toad…

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